Mother
by randomfics
Summary: In Southern Raiders. Sokka's stream of thought the first night Katara is away.


"Then you didn't love her the way I did."

The words echoed in his head. _You didn't love her the way I did. You didn't love mother the way I did. You didn't love mother._

_I don't love mother._

Those words were awful, horrible… and true.

_I don't love mom._

How was he supposed to love someone he didn't remember? Someone… he had never known? He wasn't that kind of person, not really. He didn't love people before meeting them, before learning about them.

Sokka hadn't loved Aang like a little brother when he had first emerged from the iceberg. Sokka hadn't loved Toph or Suki when he had first met them either- he had made fun of both of them from their statures to their perceived weakness.

He hadn't loved them.

But he loved them now. He loved that even though Aang was a bit of a goody-goody he was one of the funnest people to ever be around. He loved that Suki was tough and strong. He loved that Toph always challenged him to do better in a friendly way, ready to back him up when the road became rough.

He loved them.

_I don't love mom._

This was so stupid. Sure he loved her! He had to of loved her, right? She was his mom. And she had loved him back, didn't she? There had to of been a time when she hugged him, and brushed the snow off his head as it fell. Like he had seen other mothers do to their young children.

He closed his eyes, and tried to remember.

_Dark hands moved gracefully through the firelit air, warm arms drawing in around for a hug, a gloved hand brushing snow off a small body-_

Frustrated blue eyes snapped open to stare at a starry sky. Katara was gone on her quest for revenge, for a mother he didn't even remember. With a grumble, he rolled over to stare into the crackling fire.

If he squinted hard enough Sokka could pretend that he was back in the North Pole, saying goodnight to his sister before rolling closer to the icy wall of the igloo. He was the buffer between her and the creeping coldness. Dad did the same thing with mom. And then when he left… when he left, Sokka was still on the outside, mom in the middle, and Katara closest to the warming fire.

It was cold, being on the outside. Mom… Mom didn't like it when he clung to her. Said he was… too old for it- didn't she? It was hard to remember, a half-jumbled stream of memories.

Too old…

His brow furrowed as he struggled to remember.

_Soup steamed gently as it was poured into bowls with a admonition to be careful, dried jerky split to be shared, a warm hand atop a head with a gentle laugh as a mother smiled down at her- _

More half-remembered memories.

He had told Toph he thought of Katara as his mother. That he couldn't remember her, and every time he pictured her, he thought of Katara instead.

_Small hands holding equally small hands as he attempted not to cry as she tried to pull the fishhooks out mother standing at the fire, a small girl giving up some of her jerky that mom just gave them so they had more equal portions, a small hand reaching back to catch his when he started to lag behind the tall womans back, a giggling girls face as she brushed snow off his shoulders…_

He couldn't remember mother's face. Nor her hands when she was gentle. He couldn't remember her hugging him.

He could remember mom's back. The way her hair spilled down across her shoulders. How sad Katara and Dad were when she died. Mother's warm arms around Katara's small body, hugging her tightly.

He could remember Katara smiling at him. He could remember Katara helping him. Katara hugging him. Katara caring about him.

He could remember the promise he had made to her, "I'm gonna protect you for the rest of your life."

Sokka couldn't remember mother.

A heavy sigh shook the young teen as he rolled over to face away from the fire.

Katara was right.

He didn't love mother.

* * *

_a/n: This is… I don't even know, not really. It just seems odd to me that even though Kya died when he was around nine, Sokka couldn't remember her. Katara could though, and I thought… what if Kya loved Katara more?_


End file.
